Part 1 (First Semester)
The summer of 2016 was nerve-wracking for me. Since I was part of the first batch of Grade 11 (Eleven) Enrollees. I did not have access to resources which can inform me of what I was getting myself into. I remembered searching every day. And I would end up on the same websites with nothing but uncertainty. I gained nothing but a memory of the subjects for the Senior High School curriculum. I failed to determine how difficult the subject was. I failed to see what lies beyond those curriculums. Because there was no article, no testimonials. Two months of waiting felt like forever. Hence, I decided to finally post a blog. It may seem a bit too late. Since the second batch of Grade 11 students already finished their school year. And I was already through with Twelfth Grade which would be another story. Yet I failed to find blog entries of my batch mates and the incoming batch. All I see was complains in socials of how mentally decapitating Senior High School (Philippines) is.
FEU-NRMF Source: Wikimapia
So let’s jump into the question. “How did my Grade 11 Life go?”. It is a long story. But let me cut it to half. Let us focus on my First Semester of Eleventh Grade. Enrolling in FEU NRMF was the biggest risk I have ever done in my life. I was from a school that had promising chances to help me pass the UPCAT. Back then, all I ever wanted was to study in UP Diliman or in UP Manila. If I did not pass there, I knew it would put me in a state of hopelessness. Despite the high chances my former school was bringing into me, I was not pleased of being there. I felt suffocated. And I knew something else needed to fill the void in my life. So my parents allowed me to take an entrance exam in FEU NRMF. It was all or nothing. Since I did not take an entrance exam in other prestigious universities. Some peers told me that I need do not to worry because the entrance exam was beyond easy. And I would definitely pass. But I was still nervous. After weeks of waiting, I found out that I passed. My parents agreed to pay for my dormitory. I had one roommate who happened to be one of my Junior High School classmates. All my life I was spoon fed. My parents were there to bring me to school, to wake me up early, and to prepare my food. I never even knew how to cross the street or use public transportation. My mind was clouded with excitement that it slipped my mind how difficult the new set up was. Until school started, I was excited and afraid to be late for school. That I did not catch some sleep on my first day. So I felt weary and groggy. At 4’ o clock in the morning, I knew I would not be able to catch some sleep. I finally gave up. I rose from my bed and prepared for school. I recalled how sweaty I felt. I slept with an electric fan only. I cooked my rice because I wanted to save as much as I could. Then I also have no fridge. So I had to use my landlady’s fridge. Since I could not enter their house, Sometimes, I had to wait for her to give me my viand which was stressful. Then I would walk to school. It was more or less 10 minutes. This was foreign to me because my dad always takes and fetch me to school. Then when I got home. I have to do the dishes. Culture shock would be an understatement. In the first week, I secretly cried in the bathroom. So my former roommate would not notice. It was as if my life had turned 360 degrees. I felt alone and pathetic. This was out of my comfort zone.
This was not the only matter I had to worry about. I also had to deal with school. I was not exactly Miss Congeniality. I was shy and never initiated conversations with anyone. I dreaded the introduction. I had to recite everything I would say in my head and still end up stammering. At the top of that, I was nervous about keeping up with the lessons. One time, a professor asked the JHS honors to raise their hands. I was surprised to see so many people raised their hands. I am not proud of it, but I must admit that I am highly competitive and a certified grade conscious. This kind of discoveries gives me anxiety. So I prepared for the worst. That I would no longer be as excellent as I was in my previous school. I would be an average student barely passing. I knew that would be the biggest failure and challenge I had to surpass. Perhaps, the universe did supply what my negativity demanded. Hence, I felt pressured with the school. I was so stressed every time a professor would tell us that we have to do an advance reading for a surprise quiz. Professors would announce the coverage and I would panic. I would readily study and end up remembering nothing. I was burnout. In the end, the surprise quiz never happened until a month later. It was so crazy how caught up I was in the difficulty of adjusting. Negative thinking had brainwashed me into thinking I could not do well.
Luckily, the raindrops stopped falling. And from time to time, I got a glimpse of a rainbow. I was able to excel in class. It turned out, acing was not impossible as my mind decided it to be. There were times I cried in disappointment. There was this one time, professors were giving out our grades. They asked for a 1/8 sheet of yellow pad with our names. Then they would return it with our final grade. And I was surprised after I found out that I have two line of eights for the first quarter. It was in my General Math Class and Empowerment Technology. I cried in the cubicle and called my mom. After the longest time, this was my first time to receive such grades. I felt like I was a failure. I felt dumb after discovering that some classmates managed to get a line of 9. I was busy feeling for myself. It felt like my worries of failing to excel was right all along. It was stupid of how I measured my worth with my grade. But I did. I was busy feeling sorry for myself. I lost track of how I should be grateful that I got high scores and that I should be thankful for it. I was supposed to be satisfied because I expected less in the first place. But life did not end there for me. I did my best to improve my scores. And some did, others lowered a little bit.
At the same time, I moved to a different dormitory (around July). It was more comfortable than the first one. But I have to live with two roommates whom I just met. They were nice and were busy with their NMAT. So they were not around for most of the time. But I must say, my new dormitory was more comfortable. There was a fridge designated for each floor. And I no longer have to knock to our landlady. And I can also use air conditioner, anytime. At the same time, the location of my dorm was around a lot of fast food restaurants. Whenever I was lazy, I could easily eat out. I was thankful for how my worries departed.
By the second quarter, I was halfway through my turning point. I must admit that my obsession with grades was not completely healed. I would still sulk about it. However, I would no longer feel as bad as the former quarter. Things have changed. I was also blessed to finally consider a few people my friends. And I was living comfortably in my new dormitory. It took me few months to realize that all these worries were nonsense. Since every negative thought that lingered on me was solved.
Overall, my first semester as Grade 11 student of FEU NRMF was basically about my adjustment stage. This was a moment where I had my my life completely flipped. I was able to grow as a person. There were times when I would doubt myself. But I never regretted my decision of transferring to this school. Furthermore, I had the biggest realization that this institution was my safe haven. And I would want to stay here until college. Well, it could not end anymore perfectly. I was so happy and proud to be one of the honorary students. I used to be certain that I could not make it big with my intellects. But I did it. And I am certain that others can do it, too. They just need what it takes and that is perseverance and patience. How did my first semester end? Well, it ended with me in Alfonso Hall wearing an Honorary Medal.
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